Learning To Say Goodbye

Ten long months without you…
I can’t imagine how
I’m living life day after day
Without you in it now.
For all the years we shared our love,
Through all the ups and downs,
I miss so much your smile, your face,
I even miss your frowns.
I go through life so aimlessly –
No goals, no hopes, no dreams,
No focus towards the future,
It’s pointless, so it seems.
I know I can’t go on like this
Forever, though I try
To find some happiness, of sorts
But all I do is sigh…
Motivation, I can’t find
To get past how I feel,
That lifes’s not worth the effort,
Instead it seems unreal.
I know you aren’t coming back,
But somewhere deep inside
My spirit’s lost the will it had,
It’s shriveled up and died.
I think of all the love I have
For you, still yet to give
In my heart, so broken,
It no longer wants to live.
I tell myself so many times –
I have to find a way
To move on from this loneliness
That consumes me everyday.
It seems to all around me,
This should be simple, yet
They didn’t spend their life with you,
For me, I can’t forget…
I know one day the time will come
That life will once again
Be something I can smile about
But what to do till then?
Remember all the happy times?
I’m trying, but in vain,
Because they’re gone forever
To never be again.
As you can see I’m still confused
About this brand new me,
The one that lives without you now
Does not know how to be –
Someone who has a purpose,
Who knows just what to say
Or act, or how to think…
I’ve really lost my way.
At times the emptiness is more
Than I can now endure.
It’s so big and fills this heart of mine
So much, you know, I’m sure.
I know my heart needs fixing
But I don’t know what to do
Or how to make it better
When all I want is you!
I’ve done alot of searching
And given lots of thought
Of how to plan a future that
For so long I have fought.
One that I’m not sure of,
One that comes with fear
Of how successful I will be
With you no longer here.
I felt I always needed you
To be all that I could be,
But I’m finding now I can be strong,
Just how much - we will see…
I’ve spent so many hours
Praying to survive…
My prayers have all been answered
As you see, I’m still alive.
That, in itself, has taught me
I’ve strength to face what may
Be just around the corner
Or down the road one day.
It’s strange that it has been so long
Since I’ve had the pleasure of
Being with or seeing you,
Yet still, I feel your love.
Your presence, with me always,
It fills me day and night,
Comforts me, but yet I still
Long to hold you tight.
My wish will be forever
To always sense your touch,
Your being near me, in my heart –
Just not hurting quite so much.